It's not as easy or productive as I thought this schooling would be. Week 1 turned out well. Week 2 has proved to be a struggle, and one that I'm not overcoming very well. I thought I had a good handle on it, but tonight I have other thoughts.
I've heard lots of "why did you wait till the last minute words this week. You should have stayed home all weekend and wrote your paper. I'm gonna do this and that while you write a paper." I've heard words of well, it's your responsibility. Totally encouraging I know. I'm full of tears 2 nights in a row. Tonight, I am feeling the pressure. I've been working since Thursday on these 3 papers. 2 of them are written. I forgot how to write a compare and contrast paper. But when you don't understand what your writing on, I just keep repeating myself. Can I forfeit 4 pts. and make them up later in the game?A 1000wd essay and a 500 essay together equal 4 pts. Sheesh, that seems so fair. Can someone please take me back to 8th grade, where I can learn this? I hate this class I'm in. I feel as if I'm not really learning and going through the motions of setting myself up for failure.
I need more strength and motivation, and help. I need more sleep, I need more and more of positive influence in my life. I need to end week 2 so I can start fresh on week 3 and forget this frustrating, humiliating, paper I have to write.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
It's Here!!!
As I look at this picture, I see me trying to climb this ice mountain, yet possibly falling down(Which in reality, is exactly what happened)But as a believer in Christ, I know that my faith is stronger, and I can hold on, even if I am slipping. It's a new day, with new challenges, and new habits of life. It's all a new beginning as I make this climb. I don't know if I'm going to fall or if I'm going to climb further. I'm praying my way through, that God leads me further up the hill.
On to bigger and better things in life...Pursuing a Master's.
The dream is big. I want to see and feel the warmth of Christ's love as I trust Him with my future. The future looks unknown, but the journey of walking with Christ and growing stronger as a believer is worth the cost.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Hands
Make the paths straight before my feet Lord. My world is shaken, and my heart is breaking. I will never leave your hands, Oh Lord. God I trust you. There is a raging sea in front of me, and I am feeling lost. But I am following you in faith.
This just had to be the theme today on my way to work, I think I had listened to 3 songs about holding on to God's hands and his hands are leading me, and holding me still. I could quote several lines on those songs that spoke to my unmotivated heart today...though coffee, and study hall, and just a whirlwind of activities did not seem to motivate my heart much more, but I know that God is wrapping his arms around me.
I ended the day with this---"Count it all joy"
by Shannox Wexxelberg. Way to go Pastor Ritch, for pouring God's word in my heart this week. All I needed for so long, was found in the small book of James.
I'm in His Hands ---Phil Laeger
Your Hands---JJ Heller
This just had to be the theme today on my way to work, I think I had listened to 3 songs about holding on to God's hands and his hands are leading me, and holding me still. I could quote several lines on those songs that spoke to my unmotivated heart today...though coffee, and study hall, and just a whirlwind of activities did not seem to motivate my heart much more, but I know that God is wrapping his arms around me.
I ended the day with this---"Count it all joy"
by Shannox Wexxelberg. Way to go Pastor Ritch, for pouring God's word in my heart this week. All I needed for so long, was found in the small book of James.
I'm in His Hands ---Phil Laeger
Your Hands---JJ Heller
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Heartfelt prayers
Almost a week straight of Prayers, and my heart is healing from the pain of the past, and I am beginning to feel the peace. Am I scared, absolutely. Am I scared of the unknown-Yes. Do I feel at times I can't do it--yes. But God has it all in his hands, and He is a Sovereign God.
---My heart is heavy burdened and I am needing your peace and comfort. I admit I choose to walk my own path. I choose my plan. You have a greater plan for me Oh, Lord. And as I'm reminded by Jill's thoughtful words. Greater is he who walks in the Lord than in the world. There is abundance of joy to those who walk in your name. I need my life to reflect you name.
---Why is it that we always want what we do not have. There is always something as in money, marital status, in our families, friends, anything can make the jealousy strong. I want to love my life, I want to see it as a gift. Sometimes we don't see what lies beneath the snow. There are things unseen because God has a greater plan. We need to trust where we are in life now, and give God the glory. He knows it all---God is at work, we cannot see what He is always doing or His purposes. God's ways may not make sense to me. I'm am praying that I'll have a God-centered life.
---I feel like these changes are hard and I'm not strong enough. I'm scared God. I need to be strong. I need to have more faith. I need to hold on tight, because life is moving faster than I can handle right now. All I can do right now is cry. I feel like I don't know where to turn. The future looks unkown. I've been fighting you God and I no longer want a battle. Hold my hand tight cause I need the strength to keep going.
From Him are all things. He is the source of our existence. To resent or resist my circumstances is to resent God himself. In other words put by my friend Jenny, that if I am not willing to obey, then why would I recieve His blessings? A true woman lives a God-centred life---for His glory; God centered purpose. A true woman trusts God. He has a plan and His plan will not be voided. A true woman says yes Lord. I wan to live my life intentionally with a purpose to give God all glory.
---My heart is heavy burdened and I am needing your peace and comfort. I admit I choose to walk my own path. I choose my plan. You have a greater plan for me Oh, Lord. And as I'm reminded by Jill's thoughtful words. Greater is he who walks in the Lord than in the world. There is abundance of joy to those who walk in your name. I need my life to reflect you name.
---Why is it that we always want what we do not have. There is always something as in money, marital status, in our families, friends, anything can make the jealousy strong. I want to love my life, I want to see it as a gift. Sometimes we don't see what lies beneath the snow. There are things unseen because God has a greater plan. We need to trust where we are in life now, and give God the glory. He knows it all---God is at work, we cannot see what He is always doing or His purposes. God's ways may not make sense to me. I'm am praying that I'll have a God-centered life.
---I feel like these changes are hard and I'm not strong enough. I'm scared God. I need to be strong. I need to have more faith. I need to hold on tight, because life is moving faster than I can handle right now. All I can do right now is cry. I feel like I don't know where to turn. The future looks unkown. I've been fighting you God and I no longer want a battle. Hold my hand tight cause I need the strength to keep going.
From Him are all things. He is the source of our existence. To resent or resist my circumstances is to resent God himself. In other words put by my friend Jenny, that if I am not willing to obey, then why would I recieve His blessings? A true woman lives a God-centred life---for His glory; God centered purpose. A true woman trusts God. He has a plan and His plan will not be voided. A true woman says yes Lord. I wan to live my life intentionally with a purpose to give God all glory.
If I were President...
So today in the Kindergarten room, they were asked what they would do if they were president. Here are their thoughts...
1. Give the people Ice Cream
2. Give them Valentine's chocolate
so in the minds of 5/6 yr. olds...Giving the world ice cream and chocolate is what they think will make the world better. That's my thought exactly today.
1. Give the people Ice Cream
2. Give them Valentine's chocolate
so in the minds of 5/6 yr. olds...Giving the world ice cream and chocolate is what they think will make the world better. That's my thought exactly today.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Oragami
On Tuesday, my students came in all excited, and started folding paper, and I was like, "oh great, what did the teacher let them bring to study hall today." Last week it was the game "Buzz Word". This week, is Oragami.
So---for an hour, we worked on Oragami...One kid got frustrated, and said he was done trying. I tried to encourage him, that it would take some time... The next day, the same kid, came to me and said he finally got it. They were looking at it wrong, and cut the wrong shape...Today, he talks to me about how he really enjoys it, and so the trend continues in study hall...Is there something wrong with this picture...Allowing my students to fold paper during study hall...
Wonder what I can teach them next week...
So---for an hour, we worked on Oragami...One kid got frustrated, and said he was done trying. I tried to encourage him, that it would take some time... The next day, the same kid, came to me and said he finally got it. They were looking at it wrong, and cut the wrong shape...Today, he talks to me about how he really enjoys it, and so the trend continues in study hall...Is there something wrong with this picture...Allowing my students to fold paper during study hall...
Wonder what I can teach them next week...
Monday, February 1, 2010
Never In My LIfe
Never in my life have I ever taken one of these, and if I was sick, I had better be really sick the day before, for me to even take a day off. But after a few hours of sleep from crying myself to sleep, and waking to extreme tiredness, and a sore throat, and a queezy stomach(realizing I was just hungry now).....I took a Mental Health Day. yes---it will be the first and last after how much guilt I'll have.
So what' s the day look for me...?
----I went back to sleep for a half hour. (sleeping the guilt away).
----Prayer time this morning of being content in life (I WILL praise God)
----Forgot it was Garbage day--so outside I went
----I slept with my ipod, so now back to listening to encouraging music
----Loads of Laundry
----Finish a Project
----School Application
----Bible reading, so I don't have to feel guilty that I've wasted my day and be held accountable to my discipleship leader later this week
----A nap, cause right now I'm on 4 hours of sleep (coffee will only get me so far)
----I might lock myself in a closet today and be reminded of how God felt on these days, and cry out to my Father who can give me the peace and comfort I NEED today.
So what' s the day look for me...?
----I went back to sleep for a half hour. (sleeping the guilt away).
----Prayer time this morning of being content in life (I WILL praise God)
----Forgot it was Garbage day--so outside I went
----I slept with my ipod, so now back to listening to encouraging music
----Loads of Laundry
----Finish a Project
----School Application
----Bible reading, so I don't have to feel guilty that I've wasted my day and be held accountable to my discipleship leader later this week
----A nap, cause right now I'm on 4 hours of sleep (coffee will only get me so far)
----I might lock myself in a closet today and be reminded of how God felt on these days, and cry out to my Father who can give me the peace and comfort I NEED today.
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