In the Waiting 2

It's a struggle to know exactly where God wants me, even in a short few months.
Yes, I've been doing a good job of hiding it all in. I'm not expressing well in words, and only in emotions, so it's hard to talk about all the fears, and uncertainties I have. Time away from others has allowed me to just sit and listen to songs of encouragement, and pray. The process is moving faster than my brain can think straight. My heart is still heavily placed in the land of Israel...What does God have for me...I'm praying, and crying out to Him tonight, in my confused state of mind. I know many have been praying, and I am so appreciative with your patience with me. While my heart is aching, I am waiting in the hands of a Sovereign God.

Tug of War

I feel like I am playing tug of war with God...Here are my questions for the day...
Do I feel like this is a good choice for me? Yes, and No. Do I know what God has in store for me if I don't choose it? NO. Do I need to somewhat blindly trust that this is in God's will, and He will get me through school, no matter what my fears are? Yes. Do I have too many fears of failure from my past experiences of difficulty in school? Yes. My answer's are "yes" to all these questions, besides not knowing that I might miss something from God if I say No.
Do I say No to this year's missions trip? Do I say No to further education? Should I just say No to everything right now and ease my mind of all confusion? Do I need to say Yes to God in one or both of these decisions?
Is Satan on to me of bogging my mind down with all these thoughts. Are there spies out there trying to figure out what all these blog posts mean...Maybe I'm the spy, who really doesn't know and wants to know.
Yes, I am feeling more than overwhelmed and need your prayer support. The prayer support that you intercede with someone on their requests and see how you can give glory to God and watch God work in their life.

Am I making the right decision? Is all my thoughts lined up with God's thought? Am I doing what He wants? Is it time to move forward? All these anxieties of it all. Am I doing the right research? Have I prayed and sought God enough? What else can I be doing? Is this where God has me now? How do you answer all these questions in a godly way? Many are apprehensions I have of making the choice in the will of God. Others are applicable to the situation.
My heart is heavy and weighed down by the process of it all. I do need to search my heart and check the motives. Do I have fears? Plenty of them. Though I know fully well that all I need to do is trust. He is walking right beside me. He doesn't want me to fail. His intent is not to put roadblocks in our way so that we will fail. They are there to see how much we take hold of our relationship with God. Remember my challenge of saying yes to surrendering to God. And I'm still learning the implications of it all. My prayer tonight is that I hold on to the keys of salvation. Faith is the key to salvation and that key will lead me to the open door if I am willing to get out of my chair and hand over my trust in God. My trust in God will lead me to the answer of trust and you will be in the will of God.

dreaming of summer

This was read in 4th grade today:Wishing it was true

I'm dreaming of warm sandy beaches.
I'm dreaming of days by the pool.
I'm dreaming of fun in the afternoon sun,
and week after week of no school.

I'm thinking of swim suits and sprinklers,
imagining lemonade stands.
I'm lost in a daydream of squirt guns and ice
cream and plenty of time on my hands.

I'm picturing baseball and hot dogs,
Envisioning games at the park,
and how it stays light until late every night,
and seems like it never gets dark.

I long to ride skateboards and scooters.
I want to wear t-shirts and shorts.
I'd go for a hike, or I'd ride on my bike,
or play lots of summertime sports.

My revery turns to a yearning
to draw on the driveway with chalk.
It's really a bummer to daydream of summer
while shoveling snow from the walk.

--Kenn Nesbitt

While I'm Waiting

So the question is...If God was to come in 2010 how would you live differently?
This morning on my drive to E.P., at 6:45am I was still thinking about this question given at a lovely luncheon hosted by Holly. Thanks Holly, for your inspiration. It's still fresh in my mind, and I'm so focused on What would I do if Christ returned in 2010.
But while I am waiting, what will I do. I will worship, I will serve, I will be running the race.
God, please help me endure all that you have for me in this year. I am waiting for your return. I can picture Israel, and the times you had in quiet solitude, away from the business of the city. And Jerusalem is a busy city, but you found quiet moments in the mount olives, and Gethsemane. I will move ahead bold and confidence. I am praying I will take every step in Obedience.

Day 1 of Prayer Journaling

Just to prove that I have started my 2010 challenge: Here is a little of what I've been praying for: The list is long so be ready.

In July of 2009, I was challenged to have the mind of radical surrender. I don't know the implications of such surrender, but I ask that I be ready. Prepare my heart and help me to grow and be ready to let you take control of my life. Forever altering how I relate to others in my life and the world. I know I am not strong enough, corageous enough, or disciplined enough to pay the necessary price to see your kingdom come. Would you remind me that the cause is worth any cost I might have to pay. I know I am not ready for the challenges set before me, or that I will face in this new year. But I am ready to change my life and live radically, in total surrender to you God.


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The year has started off with some great memories. Wish we had taken a candid shot of this story:
My sister who is significantly taller than me, was discussing how she couldn't reach the pedals in my Mom's car. Funny as that may seem, I actually have no problem. So as we were discussing how this can't be true and that somehow I have longer legs than she does. But technically, her brain doesn't work as well as mine.
So we sat down on this window seat to see who's legs were longer. Like we were both sitting in the exact same way and spot. So that failed her. We sat on the floor against the wall, and she takes her boots off and I take my clogs off, and she thinks it's true. Now the funny thing was there definitely was a height difference of 4'11 and 5'4. Hmmmm.
Then she tells me it's the shoes. If she had clogs on, then she could reach the pedals. Guess next time she'll think twice about what shoes she wears when driving my parents car.

2010

Trying to post for the new year! Just talked to my Dad and they were drinking coffee in Aruba by the pool. Said they sat out on the beach watching fireworks. Hmmm, I did dishes last night, and washed 2 winter coats, and went to bed early. Somehow my night doesn't compare well.
So new year resolutions. I tried that last year, and somewhat failed, though this is what I learned. Make it a challenge, and then if you fail, it won't seem like you failed so much.
I did read through the Old Testament, and gained much knowledge, and enjoyed it greatly. I now have a notebook full of notes to look back on. Maybe this year, I will accomplish the New Testament.
So this year's challenge...Prayer Journal
I have Journals from 1998-2003. Somehow a friend got me started, yet once again, I've struggled to keep it up. It has been neat to see God work as I look back through those years.

P.S. no pictures for 2 months. My Dad took my camera. He's somehow writing another book and needed the camera.