I found these lyrics after this prayer...
10:39pm and I am still crying. Never did I see this coming. I write this in disbelief. I'm stunned, confused, crushed, heartbroken. My life has been spinning in circles. All summer I've been interviewing, waiting, and hoping. For what God? I can't see Your plan. I've dreamed for so long for this and I'm back to the beginning. I'd ask "why", but that's not fair. You are Sovereign. Your hand was in this whole situation. You already knew it was coming. You'll give me enough strength and grace to pass these tests again. Fears overwhelm me. Failure surrounds my being, incompetent begins to feed my brain of I can't. Where there is a will, there is a way. I will fight though I'm fighting away tears to be a stronger person. I am loved by You. Your grace is enough and I am stronger in Your name, Amen.
I believe in a blessing I don't understand
I've seen rain fall on wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
Sara Groves "Open My Hands"
Thursday, September 13, 2012
CoMe to the TaBle.
In all these tears and frustration and more tears and uncontent and feeling incompatable in all areas of my life; I am still coming to the table He has prepared for me. Because Christ designed this life for me, and I will live it for the Glory of Him. Tears, and anger sweep my mind constantly, but the strength I can find in Him is greater. Somehow deep inside, I can find hope. Thanks friends for the encouragement tonight.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Holy Land 2012 Highlights
I am posting some updates on our trip from team members---
This was one of the greatest trips. I loved my team, and we have never laughed so hard on a mission trip. We loved, and carried each other through the difficult times of jet lag, language barrier, lack of sleep, de-hydration, and praised God every morning for laughter and the joy we took in serving together.
One of my most favorite memories does not come from the pamphlet that some of you received in the mail- but the joy I had one evening to re-unite with my host family from 2009. My host family were friends with the family, and as they were driving us around town they stopped in front of their house. Spoke some Arabic, and a conversation I was unaware of. So 5 minutes they said we would stop by. I got out of the car and hugged Sonia, and what a blessing. I felt God's love had wrapped His arms around us and allowed this precious moment. I introduced her to my teammate, and then we went to surprise the kids and had about an hour conversation on their porch with friends- enjoying company.
Beyond Generosity and Innocence--
As I go through photos, notes and memories of my trip to the Holy Land, I have so many moments that stand out. I had the privileged to spend with 15 boys playing football, Frisbee, and Futball. We took time in the middle to talk about God's Grace, our sin, forgiveness, and God's love for each of us. The boys were focused, listening, and asking questions that would not normally be heard from a ten year old. "What is the difference between God and Jesus?" Todd explained by showing the sign language term for the trinity by having three fingers slide through the hand and come out as one finger how all three are still the same. The boys seemed to grasp this concept, and during the week, seven boys prayed to have Jesus be the Lord of their life. When it was time to read from the Bible, every hand went up for the chance to read out loud from their Arabic Bible.
--I will add that when I was teaching the Bible verses to the 9-11 yr. old, every one of them could recite the 5 verses from the week, and it was such a blessing to know we were making a difference.
At the end of the week, a special gift from Operation Christmas was given to each child. Shoeboxes filled with gifts were opened and eyes became "huge" with joy and excitement. The boys had smiles on their faces; it was evident that they felt loved and important.
The Mute can Speak Volumes
As we were loading the bus to leave Zebabdah my mind was going through my mental checklist making sure I had not forgotten anything. As I walked out of the church for the last time, I hugged a few of the children. I took a couple steps off the porch and started up the drive when suddenly I was compelled to go back to the porch and hug the one child I had not hugged as I stepped off the porch. I don't know his name but he was the "mute" child who seemed to always be hanging around the entrance of the church. I had not had any direct interaction with him all week, but the urge to hug him at the moment was overpowering. I followed my heart and went back to the porch to hug this young man. The enormous smile radiating from this child will forever be etched into my memory, as well as his vigorous waving and SAYING the word"BYE"!
---Side note- This boy lived next to the Pastor's house, and he has a condition that he doesn't talk. But he understands Arabic. Our team members had the opportunity to witness to his parents. He was always around us and heard the gospel message during our teen night. There is no school for these type of kids.
HI's and Bye's----
When that tough time of saying good bye came, our host "mom" said, "Life is a series of Hi's and Bye's". In our second trip to the Holy Land, the highlight was the hi's and the natural low was the bye's. We got to say "hi" again to children we fell in love with last year. There was Roni who on our first night waved to us from his balcony. There was Oudey who greeted us with a huge smile, and Marcel who backed in to sit on my lap.
Then there were new children who stole our heart...Bethuel whose bright blue eyes captivate anyone who she meets, Khader the scared little boy who when he left his car, I stuck my hand out for a high five...but instead got a big hug. We also got to renew adult friendships and make new ones. But we had to say good bye. Our trip and our purpose was to share Jesus' love with all we could. I believe we were faithful to that call. Now back in the US, our prayers are that the Lord will continue His good work, so that when we meet them in heaven we get to say "hi" and never have to say "Bye"!
---Thank you for your prayers, support, and friendship. It was one of the greatest trips I've ever taken in my life. We are excited to see the Lord continue to work. They needed our encouragement, and need prayers for family and friends whom they witness too on a daily basis. Prayers for those we met that are finishing school and making decisions for college in the States.
~ERIKA
This was one of the greatest trips. I loved my team, and we have never laughed so hard on a mission trip. We loved, and carried each other through the difficult times of jet lag, language barrier, lack of sleep, de-hydration, and praised God every morning for laughter and the joy we took in serving together.
One of my most favorite memories does not come from the pamphlet that some of you received in the mail- but the joy I had one evening to re-unite with my host family from 2009. My host family were friends with the family, and as they were driving us around town they stopped in front of their house. Spoke some Arabic, and a conversation I was unaware of. So 5 minutes they said we would stop by. I got out of the car and hugged Sonia, and what a blessing. I felt God's love had wrapped His arms around us and allowed this precious moment. I introduced her to my teammate, and then we went to surprise the kids and had about an hour conversation on their porch with friends- enjoying company. Beyond Generosity and Innocence--
As I go through photos, notes and memories of my trip to the Holy Land, I have so many moments that stand out. I had the privileged to spend with 15 boys playing football, Frisbee, and Futball. We took time in the middle to talk about God's Grace, our sin, forgiveness, and God's love for each of us. The boys were focused, listening, and asking questions that would not normally be heard from a ten year old. "What is the difference between God and Jesus?" Todd explained by showing the sign language term for the trinity by having three fingers slide through the hand and come out as one finger how all three are still the same. The boys seemed to grasp this concept, and during the week, seven boys prayed to have Jesus be the Lord of their life. When it was time to read from the Bible, every hand went up for the chance to read out loud from their Arabic Bible.
--I will add that when I was teaching the Bible verses to the 9-11 yr. old, every one of them could recite the 5 verses from the week, and it was such a blessing to know we were making a difference.
At the end of the week, a special gift from Operation Christmas was given to each child. Shoeboxes filled with gifts were opened and eyes became "huge" with joy and excitement. The boys had smiles on their faces; it was evident that they felt loved and important.
The Mute can Speak Volumes
As we were loading the bus to leave Zebabdah my mind was going through my mental checklist making sure I had not forgotten anything. As I walked out of the church for the last time, I hugged a few of the children. I took a couple steps off the porch and started up the drive when suddenly I was compelled to go back to the porch and hug the one child I had not hugged as I stepped off the porch. I don't know his name but he was the "mute" child who seemed to always be hanging around the entrance of the church. I had not had any direct interaction with him all week, but the urge to hug him at the moment was overpowering. I followed my heart and went back to the porch to hug this young man. The enormous smile radiating from this child will forever be etched into my memory, as well as his vigorous waving and SAYING the word"BYE"!
---Side note- This boy lived next to the Pastor's house, and he has a condition that he doesn't talk. But he understands Arabic. Our team members had the opportunity to witness to his parents. He was always around us and heard the gospel message during our teen night. There is no school for these type of kids.
HI's and Bye's----
When that tough time of saying good bye came, our host "mom" said, "Life is a series of Hi's and Bye's". In our second trip to the Holy Land, the highlight was the hi's and the natural low was the bye's. We got to say "hi" again to children we fell in love with last year. There was Roni who on our first night waved to us from his balcony. There was Oudey who greeted us with a huge smile, and Marcel who backed in to sit on my lap.
Then there were new children who stole our heart...Bethuel whose bright blue eyes captivate anyone who she meets, Khader the scared little boy who when he left his car, I stuck my hand out for a high five...but instead got a big hug. We also got to renew adult friendships and make new ones. But we had to say good bye. Our trip and our purpose was to share Jesus' love with all we could. I believe we were faithful to that call. Now back in the US, our prayers are that the Lord will continue His good work, so that when we meet them in heaven we get to say "hi" and never have to say "Bye"!
---Thank you for your prayers, support, and friendship. It was one of the greatest trips I've ever taken in my life. We are excited to see the Lord continue to work. They needed our encouragement, and need prayers for family and friends whom they witness too on a daily basis. Prayers for those we met that are finishing school and making decisions for college in the States.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Journal entry 8/30
Was this your plan all along God? Your plan to keep me home to experience blessings, while I still long for my best friend.? You are all I need. When I learn to depend on you, I see the blessings in disguise. I know that You are my all in all, but when trials come, I want to hide in my despair. Bring me out of darkness. Out of the pits of despair. May I wait with open eyes to your truths. I need to dive into your holy word and examine my life that I may be sanctified. I'm praying this renewal of staying home and facing the emptiness and hardship, that you'll bring the rain Father. I need the rain. I see a glimpse of it but do not know if it really is becoming true. I want to have hope and not on expectations of my own but in Your timing and will.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Between the rains
1 Kings 18:1-46 tells us about one cloud of rain will be coming---
I am looking for one small cloud, my Lord.
Your rain is coming. Your God has not forgotten about you.
I will keep reigning in between the clouds.
In context of the faithfulness of the rains---My rain is coming.
Deut. 11:13-14
Deut. 11:13-14
So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul —then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil.
I am struggling to keep my head up high. I must keep pushing through. Praising you is hard. Worshiping in praise is difficult. What more can I ask than to be still in Your Presence. The in-between times before the rain is difficult. It's dreary and dry. God you are present and I want to be aware that you are working in my life. I take the foundation of your truths and accept this process. I pray that my rain is coming. That the sun will be rising and I can rejoice. But in the process of between the rains, I will wait faithfully. The devil will not get a hold of my faith. I am trusting you Father.
I am struggling to keep my head up high. I must keep pushing through. Praising you is hard. Worshiping in praise is difficult. What more can I ask than to be still in Your Presence. The in-between times before the rain is difficult. It's dreary and dry. God you are present and I want to be aware that you are working in my life. I take the foundation of your truths and accept this process. I pray that my rain is coming. That the sun will be rising and I can rejoice. But in the process of between the rains, I will wait faithfully. The devil will not get a hold of my faith. I am trusting you Father.
Reminder:
I was reminded of this picture while reading this passage: A more in-depth story coming later.
1 Kings 18: 41-44
And Elijah said to Ahab, GO, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain. SO Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees. Go and look toward the sea, he told his servant. And he went up and looked. There is nothing there, he said. Seven times Elijah said, Go back. The seventh time the servant reported, A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea.
I was reminded of this picture while reading this passage: A more in-depth story coming later.
1 Kings 18: 41-44
And Elijah said to Ahab, GO, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain. SO Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees. Go and look toward the sea, he told his servant. And he went up and looked. There is nothing there, he said. Seven times Elijah said, Go back. The seventh time the servant reported, A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea.
Friday, July 13, 2012
It's Time Again
1 am! I should be sleeping...Ok, I was but my mind forgot to pack things. Guess that happens when you are packed 5 hours before bed. And now, I have grabbed my lap top and started to blog. Lucky you...my random thoughts before I board a plane. The luxury of waking up in the middle of the night, and surfing...but what is there to do when you're awake in Palestine in an unknown home...yeah- I was thinking of this the other night, when I was so tired and falling asleep on the couch. As my dad said, not to stay there or I'd wake up later wondering where I was. Hmmm.. I can rest knowing that God is on my side, and there is nothing to fear...and nothing to worry-- unknown places, unknown food- unknown situations--please keep us in your prayers as we experience new adventures.
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