The Essence of His Presence

I'm reading a new book, I just pulled off the shelf. Yeah, a little distraction from the papers. But anyhow what else is there to do at 12AM.
The Essence of His Presence--Lloyd John Ogilvie
Christ wants to bless my life? That is the question of my life. Yes, I know in my head it is truth, but do I really believe it in my heart? Have I let my frustrations dig a hole in my heart that seems too deep to heal? I somehow forgot how to give God my struggle, how to have peace, how to have Christ as my authority, sing my way through the day, find my way out of loneliness, be honest with others, and guard myself from Satan's attack. I took a time out tonight, and feeling so needy spiritually, and not even sure what I need or what's wrong with me. A time out to be quiet and reflect on God's tenderness, kindness and forgiveness. Remembering the quiet times in Israel, reflecting on the quiet moments Christ took when the busyness of life got in the way, or the busyness of the atmosphere became too strong, and he went away from the city to pray. I too am moving away from the city to pray. Where exactly..maybe on a hill over-looking the view of paradise. Galatians 5:1 "...Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." The Lord gets inside of us and frees us by his forgiveness. He takes all the worries, fears, fantasies, and tangled up mess we find ourselves in daily and forgives. His goodness is only imputed to those who trust in Him and is filled with the Spirit. I somehow needed to be reminded of His goodness. I need more faith; my faith is dwindling. I'm focused on the things of the earth, and not on things above(Col. 3:2). "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you"(John 15:7) Yes, that seems beyond my reach, beyond what I can have faith in. But God says, trust me. Hold my hand and trust me.
Christ is at work, but we have to be open to the life's tasks ahead of us, and invite him in on our concerns, values, goals,to be conformed to His will for our life. Be open to the warmth of his love. That is what I am learning tonight. I am worn down, emotional as ever, wanting that fellowship with my Father. He is waiting, with open arms, helping me to grow in discipleship.